In the Life of Selma

"I'm just taking orders from the man upstairs," Time said.

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Hello 2014

2014, we finally meet. I really can’t wait to see what you hold.

Today has been beautiful: I spent time with my mom and sisters, went to Denny’s with a friend who will be away for four months, and I visited my god sister via Skype.

Great start to a new year.

-S

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The last time I got a haircut, which was not too long ago, one of the employees, a sweet, much older man, asked me, “What made you cut your hair so short?”
I explained to him how I first cut my hair shoulder length, then shorter, then shorter, to the point where I decided to chop it all off. (I didn’t tell him this, but Miss Emma Watson inspired me to do so)
I added that I have curly hair, and when it was long, I had a lot of trouble maintaining it. Long hair was just hard for me to handle.
He began to tell me how in Laredo you don’t see many girls with a haircut like mine. The majority of girls in town have long hair.
Then he asked, “What do people tell you when they see you?”
I said, “People have been nice. They tell me it suits me very well.”
It seemed like he agreed with the people because he nodded his head and said, “It does suit you. Not too many girls can pull it off.”
I thanked him for his kind words.
—-
Now, I am going to be completely honest here: sometimes I feel being like the other girls will be better off for me. I guess a part of me feels that society is more acceptable of girls with long hair.
There are times, which I know some of you were witness to, when I said, “I’m growing out my hair. I’m serious this time!”
But when I have tried to grow out my hair, I don’t feel like myself. As of now, I strive to keep my word on everything - but with this I couldn’t keep my word. If I did, if I did grow out my hair, I would feel like somebody else.
As funny as it sounds, it is through this haircut that I found myself. This is me. Short haired Selma.
Who cares what society thinks, what individuals think? I feel silly for even taking into account what others think about my hair, even if the thought crossed my mind for a brief moment.
As long as I feel good, am happy and ultimately myself, I am more than okay.

The last time I got a haircut, which was not too long ago, one of the employees, a sweet, much older man, asked me, “What made you cut your hair so short?”

I explained to him how I first cut my hair shoulder length, then shorter, then shorter, to the point where I decided to chop it all off. (I didn’t tell him this, but Miss Emma Watson inspired me to do so)

I added that I have curly hair, and when it was long, I had a lot of trouble maintaining it. Long hair was just hard for me to handle.

He began to tell me how in Laredo you don’t see many girls with a haircut like mine. The majority of girls in town have long hair.

Then he asked, “What do people tell you when they see you?”

I said, “People have been nice. They tell me it suits me very well.”

It seemed like he agreed with the people because he nodded his head and said, “It does suit you. Not too many girls can pull it off.”

I thanked him for his kind words.

—-

Now, I am going to be completely honest here: sometimes I feel being like the other girls will be better off for me. I guess a part of me feels that society is more acceptable of girls with long hair.

There are times, which I know some of you were witness to, when I said, “I’m growing out my hair. I’m serious this time!”

But when I have tried to grow out my hair, I don’t feel like myself. As of now, I strive to keep my word on everything - but with this I couldn’t keep my word. If I did, if I did grow out my hair, I would feel like somebody else.

As funny as it sounds, it is through this haircut that I found myself. This is me. Short haired Selma.

Who cares what society thinks, what individuals think? I feel silly for even taking into account what others think about my hair, even if the thought crossed my mind for a brief moment.

As long as I feel good, am happy and ultimately myself, I am more than okay.

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A short conversation between two men

"Heaven is crying for us, friend."

"I did not think heaven was capable of such a thing."

"Oh, but Heaven is. Those residing in the clouds want us to be the best version of ourselves. Although they have confidence in us becoming so, they still lament because the obstacle that will push us to that success has been the most difficult they have put in front of us thus far. Goodness, the love they have for us."

-S

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My heart has
been snatched from
its homeland.

Breathing


is
now a
difficult


task.

And thinking

hurts the
motherboard.

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As of late, I was met with a rather small disappointment. I now realize I will become stronger because of it, that something better lies ahead. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.

But shame on me for highlighting the disappointment first. I was offered something that will undoubtedly shape my future. I accepted and hopefully all will go well. To be honest though, I am a little bit scared. Just a little bit.

People continue to surprise me with their selfishness. What happened to being happy for your friends? What happened to supporting them and encouraging them when something good is unfolding for them?

I do admit, I was selfish at some point. Was but not anymore. I continually strive not to be like that anymore.

And to add to this collage of thoughts, I always end up going through what I am currently going through. I believe some girls revel in it. I, on the other hand, don’t. My friend told me it is not my fault, and he is right. It’s not. But why do I feel like it is? Why do I look at myself differently? Nothing is wrong with me, I know that. Even though these situations make me feel like being myself is wrong, I will continue to be myself.

No girl is like me.

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Thoughts of the Day, May 13

- My little sister has her class schedule for her first semester of college. Boy, where did time go? In exactly a month, she will join my other sister in San Antonio. Adjusting to the absence of both of my sisters is going to be tough.

- Sir, a woman admires a humble man. Keep your nose leveled to the floor.

- It has been a long, long time since I have been surrounded by so many butterflies. There are thousands of them. They appear at the mere thought of you.

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On to next week

This week has been somewhat of a struggle. The smallest, close to insignificant things were affecting me in great and negative ways. The sad part is that I currently have so much to look forward to. My ridiculous attitude is my fault, no one else’s.

I discovered that all I had to do was dance. I danced to some new Justin Timberlake jams and Olly Murs. I felt better afterwards and, as weird as this sounds, my smiling spirit returned.

I am glad to say I have overcome the hurdle that was placed upon me. I have to say, today was the most difficult day of all. I am okay now.

Before I log off, here are other current thoughts:

- Actions speak louder than words but sometimes words turn out to be the loudest and most hurtful.
- Heartbreak paves the way for a new beginning with lessons learned.
- There are people who love you for who you are. Listen to them and always be in their company. They are giving you great love.